Your individual benefits do not and should not outweigh collective harm.

Here’s the thing, I can take the time to explain to you why GenAI is different from regular AI. I can talk to you about how most of the time it’s wrong or bad and isn’t worth the 1-2mins that it’s saving you. The bottom line is, the things that GenAI give you do not make up for the ways that it harms you and everyone else.

Your reasons are not good enough. It doesn’t matter how helpful it is in the short term especially when the short term wins will inform the long term regrets.

And the thing is, why do you care so much about the short term? (I mean, I think I know why but write it out. Express what it is that you’re trying to avoid and what you’re trying to increase.) Why is saving 1-2 mins of your day so important? And why is saving 1-2 mins of your time more important than drinkable water? When you’re putting your little prompt in chaptGPT, what are you trying to avoid?

I can tell you what I was trying to avoid.

Storytime?

I used chatgpt to help reformulate my resume and cover letters to help me be a more attractive applicant because I didn’t want to waste time on fixing a resume I knew wouldn’t make the cut but didn’t know how to reject the need to still try anyway.

Either way, I didn’t get the job.

I also used chatgpt to tell me how I should be better utilizing my natal chart towards my preferred career because I was panicking that I’d made the wrong decision and didn’t know how to deal with the fear that I was experiencing and decided to cop out on figuring that out and engage in confirmation bias instead. No surprise, it told me what I already knew because I was already operating that way to begin with.

It wasn’t necessary.

Now I’ve used it other times as well but each one results in the same conclusion. It either never rendered the desired result or told me something that I’d already knew to be true and, most often, put me in a position to re-use it to try and render a better one. Because that is what is is designed to do. It doesn’t actually do what it says it does and no-it doesn’t matter how you design it, or how you word the phrase to correct it’s faults cause it will be faulty, it is still BAD and very noticeable.

But even if it’s good. Even if it did render the results desired and impeccably, was it still worth it? Because the thing is, GenAI doesn’t need to be cooled with water. It just needs to be cooled. water, is the cheapest option. Which is why I started this article the way I did.

The individual wins do not outweigh the collective harm.

And it is the individual win to USE water to save individual cost at a collective expense, is what has created this problem.

You think: have I been granting permission this whole time? Was I always able to make my own decision?

The truth, of course, is that it’s not that simple.

To be a victim of abuse is to constantly be scrutinized by the court of public opinion. Everyone wants you to be a saint because they are incapable of viewing the abuser as anything other than a villain.

They demand a perfect villain the same way they demand a perfect victim.

To them, likability is the driving factor. It’s why abusers are often so successful.

An abuser is insatiable. They are charismatic, boisterous, the life of the party. Whether they pissed you off the day before or not, doesn’t matter. When they’re good, you want to be around them—you want to be with them. You want to be worth looking at. You want them to validate your choices, speak highly of your character, take your side even when you know you’ve embarrassed them, give you a hug even if it’s more for them than it is for you.

Your abuser is your world.

Your abuser is your lagoon.

A lagoon is a shallow body of water that is separated from a deeper body of water such as a sea or an ocean. It’s what makes it a lagoon instead of a regular lake or pond. A coastal lagoon, in particular, is a very funny thing. It gets formed due to the constant push and pull between water and land, creating an erosion in the basin near the shore. The land is constantly pushing it out while the ocean is constantly pushing it back in, generating a barrier that ends up separating it from the ocean or sea. The only way for a lagoon to keep its access to water is to stay connected to the small streams surrounding it or wait for high tide—but high tide can create a bigger problem, completely changing the landscape of the lagoon altogether.

A lagoon is a perfect metaphor. It is both what you turn into and what you leave as.

THE STORY

The story will center around a girl, who’s also a young woman, who’s also an old hag, who’s also a dream, who’s also a performer, who’s also a ghost, who’s also a snake, who’s also a baby, who’s mostly a doll. It will center around her world, her thoughts, her dreams, her nightmares and it will do so without naming the perpetrator.

This way you will be forced to look at her—to see her. To connect with her and not with who she is compared to her abuser.

Phase 1 - Journey to Exhibition

This first phase will focus mainly on photography, as that is the current medium I have at my disposal the most often. But as this journey goes on, I hope to incorporate other dedicated forms of art to help complete this vision. It will involve film, sculpture, theatre, sound, movement, and, eventually, a physical interactive exhibition. I aim to do something that has never been done in the fine art space before. To combine all the art forms into one focused medium. As someone who was groomed to meticulously follow the rules, I’ve gown up to love discovering them just to know all the ways I can break them.

I hope you join me in this exercise.

Below are links to the first test shots for the series. I hope you take the time to experience them.

See you soon,

DICEx

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You’re never sure if you’re the one who’s been wronged.

You play the moments over again and again. Unsure of the ways you weren’t at fault. Every moment feels like it could’ve been yours to control. If only you hadn’t said that thing, or pushed that far—if only you had just ignored the words, ignored the ways in which they hurt. Then none of this would have to happen. You could continue life micro-managing the ways you respond.

Seeking justice was never the plan. It was more important to minimize the impact. If she could find a way out then the pain would cease to exist. She would be no one’s burden but her own. And the weight she had placed on the person “who loved her best” would make way for a better reality for them both.

But who would she be if she left? Who would she become? What would world look like with her in it and in this way? Would it be the same/ Or would it be different? Which was worse?

In the end, the world was never what she expected. It was never as exciting as they said or as frightening as they warned. But she guessed at least it was here and it was hers to do with what she wanted.

see the full photoshoot

Hers to navigate. Hers to figure out what she wanted. Hers to carry the burdens of. Hers and hers alone.

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Model: Victoria Aponte

ig: _victoriaponte

This world moves in a way she doesn’t understand. She can’t connect with the people around her.

She continues to retreat to her dreams.

In her dreams, her world is hers.

In her dreams, her world is vibrant.

But there is something that calls out to her. Something that pulls her from her dreams and back into the world where she does not know herself.

when she goes in search of the sound, she finds something familiar.

She goes after it, determined to find the source of the shadow. As she does, it mocks her. Stopping to smell the flowers, running through the garden and exercising a freedom she’d never known.

She sits as the familiar continues to play hide and seek. She contemplates: am I going insane?

Until finally, she sees her.

It is only for a moment but for a brief second, she thought she saw herself. But this self was different. It was unlike any other self that she’d known.

She wasn’t sure if she liked this self. But it made her wonder. How many other selves were there? How many other version of herself could she be?

For one thing, she didn’t need to be this self nor any other versions of the person she’d been before. She could be something different. She could be anyone she wanted.

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Model: Gabriella Russo

Ig: gabriellarusso15

The way they’re formed, how they’re navigated—how they’re able to capture your immediate attention. You will never not notice a group of women. Of course that comes with it’s own set of problems but so to does it’s superpowers.

Earlier this year, I got an idea to do a photoshoot based off of Devon Aoki and her trio of girls in 2 Fast 2 Furious. I loved the vibrancy of her bold pink colors, the playfulness of their wardrobe, the Y2K-ness of it all—it was truly an interesting time in entertainment where a girl could wear ass-less chaps to race a group of a guys in her hot pink racing car. Yes it is the baseline for every playstation 2 racing game ever but…it’s an aesthetic that you can always count on to make a statement, no matter how on the nose.

But as these things happen, I did not get to make my fast and the furious photoshoot. Instead, I was led somewhere else.

I don’t fight against complications. Usually if things are going wrong or I’m running into blocks, I’ll either shelf the project and reapproach another time or let the complications lead me to my actual project-the one I’m clearly being led to make. Because I wasn’t able to find any cars or locations that fit the original idea, I started to ask myself what it was that I was trying to portray in the first place.

Did I need the cars or did I just want toys for them to play with? Did I need a racetrack or just a colorful location? The more I asked myself these questions the more I realized what I was actually trying to say.

The Fast & Furious franchise, although needlessly convoluted, is simply about a group of adults and their tumultuous, expensive hobby. Ludacris to us, maybe, but these were adults looking to get paid through their adult hobby. This was how they had fun. This was how they played.

So, if that were the case, then the thing I really wanted to capture were adults at play.

I kept the Y2K elements with the wardrobe—I wanted there to be color and fun and glitter wherever possible.

But I decided that the location could be something different—somewhere you rarely see adults, specifically those without children.

A playground. It felt like the most obvious answer.

A playground would allow me to make the theme of the photoshoot as obvious as it could be whilst also giving me those saturated/colorful elements I was trying to emulate with the cars.

It would also allow me the freedom to experiment with different dynamics without feeling the need to keep the theme in motion. It already was. So I could have them swinging on a swing tire, having a good ole time, whilst also allowing them to just exist in the space, to talk to each other, to gossip.

The point of this photoshoot, once I got over the fast and furious concept, was to capture the essence of women when grouped together. All I wanted was to see a group of girls who felt their best, looked their best, and congregated with one another to do whatever it was they were going to do. They didn’t really have to do anything.

I like this photoshoot but if I’m honest I wish I’d gone deeper, pushed harder. It’s been a while since then so all I see when I look at this is the trepidation of a budding photographer—someone who’s still worried the models will think she’s weird because she wanted a picture of them laughing unbearably close to the camera.

I also wish I’d developed more of a narrative but, then again, not everything can tell a story. Sometimes you just want cute girls in cute clothes to look fun and vibey and, as much as I wanted to make this into something deeper, that’s what it is. And that’s ok, of course.

The models were excellent. The environment was ideal. I really couldn’t ask for more.

X,

DICE.

See the full photoshoot

Make up: Alicia Nguyen @alicianguyenmakeup

But I’m never once found it feasible to write anything remotely introductory. At least not in the literal sense. Maybe that explains the gravitational pull to photography.

As much as I love words, it is the image that has always captured my attention. The thing I’m always trying to recreate.

For now, I am Dice. Yes like the dice you use to gamble. Yes, it’s my actual name…sort of. But that’s an explanation for another time.

I’m a photographer and I’m doing my best to become a Filmmaker. One who both writes and directs. With this substack, I’m hoping to create a digital archive of how I got there (speaking as someone who intends to get there) and hope to share a couple things along the way:

Short Films/Photography projects

I intend to work on at least one full project every month. This project should include both a short-short film and a collection of interconnected images and stills.

Photo-of-the-day

Daily photos, both old and new, I’ve taken that I particularly enjoy. I also hope to talk about new film stocks I haven’t tried (did I mentioned I shoot primarily in film?) and review them, in a sense.

For me, photography and film in general, is all about texture. So I must warn you, I won’t talk about images in the way that you’re accustomed to. My goal with my work is to discuss art the way that I process it so if that’s something you’re into as well, I’d love to hear your thoughts, expressions, possible threats, if warranted.

With that being said, I hope you subscribe. I hope you subscribe because you like what I do and enjoy watching as I evolve and create as much as I possibly can. I can’t gaurantee I’ll stick to whatever schedule I’ve said because I kinda hate expectations but I can gaurantee that I will post, that I will create, that I will share.

That’s all for now.

Dice x.